My Free Wallpaper Series: Number 3 !

 

My free wallpaper series number three. Download it to your phone or desktop and enjoy! 

HA Series 3

Weekend blogging is the best! Too bad it is Monday ūüėČ

Happy Sunday,

Harlem

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The Waves of Life…

Every time I think I have a plan, life throws me a big wave to ride out. As intuitive and instinctive as I think I am, I somehow sometimes miss the approaching hidden or major waves of life. If I am honest, I really get hit by these waves of life, when I put all my trust in others ability to be ethical, honest and moral by showing the innate quality of simply being human by looking beyond themselves and their needs…

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This last wave lead me to face many personal turns and relationship spins. What I have learned from all of them is that people or life can only bring in the madness, if I let it in. For example, today I had a phone call from a person that always seems to pour drama into my life and often finds a way to leave me intentionally or unintentionally drained. Drained meaning, a headache, feeling emotionally spent in seconds and wanting to buy the first pieces of junk food I can get my hands in an effort to find some kind of quick fix comfort.

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However, I decided that when I am faced with such waves and negative energy to just put my hand up, wave the white piece flag and walk the far away from the situation or person, because nothing is worth allowing myself to be drained. So, in this phone conversation when the person started. I stopped them and told them the problem for me and that I was not going to let them take me to a negative head or energy space. I got off the phone!

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Of course, I failed from the moment that I began to let them engage me in their negative behaviors, conniving guilt trips, blame everyone but themselves for their problems and lies upon lies. Of course, we are all guilty of this, especially those who always feel we need to come to the rescue of others. More specifically, that one person that you have been saving their whole life and inturn enabling to behave in this dysfunctional way in your life without any consequence.

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It is funny, because it is so difficult for the drained to see how much they are being milked by the drainer, but as soon as we tell one person -word for word- the details of the event that has now claimed all of our energy, ability to focus to complete our planned tasks and has now riddled us with guilt or uncertainty. What if this time they are telling the truth?What if this time they are really in trouble? Was I just too harsh? Were their accusations about my behavior, words or tone towards them true? No! No! No! Stop it!

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In life you have two kinds of people, those that are happy or seeking happiness with intention and those how are unhappy and want to share it with the world as they fail to address the real problems in their lives, fear any change in life, want you to be as sad as them, think you don’t deserve your happiness or are just jealous of your happiness!¬†My recommendation¬†is walk away now, tell them the door is open when they are willing to seek happiness and refocus yourself back on those that add happiness to your life (that includes yourself as your happiness start first with you)!

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Weekend blogging is the best! Too bad its Monday ūüėČ

Happy Monday,

Harlem

 

 

My Wallpaper Series Number Two: Enjoy!

 

My wallpaper series number two. Download it to your phone or desktop and enjoy! 

HA Wallpaper Series Two

Weekend blogging is the best!

Happy Sunday,

Harlem

My Wallpaper Series Number One: Enjoy!

 

Here is the first of my wallpaper series. Download it to your phone or desktop and enjoy! 

HA Wallpaper Series One

Weekend blogging is the best!

Happy Sunday,

Harlem

Country 100

I finally achieved my goal of visiting 100 countries. It seems yesterday when I was 25 deciding that I was fed-up with the lies I had learned in school and decided to take control of my “re-education,” with a little bit of courage I set off on my first trip to Europe alone at 27 after deciding much prep work: going to a club alone, a bar, a movie theater, a play and then one day to London and Rome.. now 7 years later I have done it.. visited my 100 country, traveled 6 continents, visited some places 2 or 3 times, lived in Europe and still had time to get a few degrees (5 to be exact)… I feel really proud! Thanks to all my friends and family that have messaged me along all my journies, opened their homes to me, liked all my vacation posts, shared their friends so I could have a friendly face to meet me at each country and given me more travel tips than lonely planet could dream about!¬†

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The life of a traveler is amazing.¬†I met Ana from the Ukraine 4 days ago in Andorra where we said goodbye as we would probably never meet again.¬†Today, As arrive back home in my tiny city of Grenoble, France. Look who is the first person I see.. Ana from the Ukraine in my tiny city when we meet 4 days ago randomly in Andorra… amazing.. making connections Jamaica-America-Ukraine connections Andorra-Monaco-France ūüėȬ†100 countries and still the blessings of traveling surprises me!

Lol.. .. the struggles of a traveler… traveling not my best photo lol!

Criticism

Society has told us that Criticism is negative and feedback is positive, but that’s not true. From criticism it is possible to extract some unknown truths, strengthens and weaknesses. It is also possible to discover who are your friends and your enemies (those jealous of you or passing their own personal fears on to you as a way to stop you from maxing your potential).¬†How can we to use this¬†Criticism to our benefit?

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1.Look at who its coming from: Is this person confident and happy in their own lives, then why would they waste their time to tell you something that they thing adds value to your life. You should take the time to first thank this person, as they get nothing from taking the time to share with you ideas to help you improve your life, relationships or experiences. They have in fact, took a big risk by sharing with you in the first place, as most people only want to hear the good stuff about themselves and become angry about the less positive parts of their personality or actions. However, if this person is bitter, filled with regret and has never tried anything that required even the smallest amount of risk -living in fear of the unknown-. You can be sure that their words come from a place of jealousy, poor intention and aim to project their own fears on you to you, so do yourself a favor and ignore it! Politely of course.

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2. Perceptions are cash in the bank:¬†Whenever someone who knows nothing about you shares with you (normally in passing conversation and indirectly) what their perception of your energy, life, performance and skills. You can be sure this is invaluable information, as this is probably how everyone else sees you, but doesn’t have the courage or care to tell you. For sure, some of it will be awesome, but some of it will also be in areas you need to improve or change to improve your environments perception of you.

3. “Your development is your and no one elses:”¬†Meaning, you have to decide what parts of your personality are you, that you love and that you do not want to change under any situation. Once you decided, you have to be willing to take accountability for those parts of your personality and character, ready to defend and stay true to them when people ask you to change them. For all the other stuff, make a plan and begin to change your life today! No more excuses or waiting for the right moment. There is no right moment, so just make a plan and do it. Remember, “Your development is your responsibility and no one elses.”

Relationships

We are all humans and can not predict our reaction to roads never traveled, emotions never experience and situations never faced. No matter how many relationships we have been in or how long our relationships have lasted, there is always something new to learn and uniques to our partner that you have not yet discovered. Though, we all hope we can reach a point where we know our partners (as well as we hope we know ourselves). This is usually unattainable and must be considered, as life will always through us a new dynamic or challenge that must be faced with consideration, communication and compromise between us and our partner(s).

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Partner Communication should be inclusive of not only the fun stuff, but all the things that we do not want to hear or are hesitant to address. This comes with the willingness and openness to understand where the other person is coming from and what they are really trying to communicate to you though their words. Words that we can now clearly connect to an action or reaction from the past that you believed was random or not critical.

Finally, comes the art of compromise. This is the biggest part. We need to be open and honest with ourselves, as the things we say we are willing to compromise on must be really that. It is not fair to ourselves or our partner(s) to compromise with penalty, regret or hopes of them changing their mind later on. Once that compromise is made, it should be a fresh start to our relationship(s), as anything less with lead us back to the point of contention that led to our relationship waves in the first place.